5/15/19

9 p.m.

It's ironic how the people I would like most to forget about and never have pass through my mind ever again, are probably who I think about the most every day. 

I wish I would have ever been taught how to move on.

No one told me what to do with this pain that I started carrying in my early childhood. 

No one ever told me it's okay to hurt.

I feel like I'm a bad person for not being able to let things go.

I'm sick of hearing people say things that I don't want to hear. I'm sick of the thoughts that come from thinking about the things that people said. I don't want to believe them. But they won't go away. 

I can't stop thinking of things that I don't want to think about. These thoughts hurt me and I wish I could stop hearing them. It is the only noise I ever hear anymore. 

It has to be true.

What they say in my head has to be true. 

Otherwise I beat myself up for believing what I hear. I beat myself up because I believed someone's thoughts, and ignored my own.

Pain makes their voices the loudest.

I need to start finding my own thoughts

I need to stop caring how other people think of me. 

What they say wouldn't matter if I could stop listening to it, because I would start to feel better about myself. 

It is just so hard to know what is real or what's not.

It is easier to just believe what other people think instead of trying to hear my thoughts. 

I wish my brain had an off button, because my brain feels like it's going to explode from listening to what I think.

I wish I could think about something else.

I wish I could hear something else.

I wish I had control of what I think about.