3/9/19

4:02 p.m.

I keep thinking I hear my phone notification for a new text or message. I've been hearing it all day but every time I look at my phone it was just me imagining it or thinking I heard it.

It's like I have a compulsion of anger. I obsess over the things that make me angry.
I don't know why  keep hearing it but it's bugging me.
I think I have intermittent explosive disorder. It would explain why my head always feels like it's going to explode from anger.
I obsess over the things that make me angry
I obsess over the things that make me angry
I obsess over the things that make me angry.
I obsess over the things that make me angry.
I obsess over the things that make me angry. I need to learn how to obsess over things that make me happy.

Although maybe I already know how. That's why I get so attached to the things I love. I never want to lose those things but I do. I over-love people until they run away. I scare people. I scare myself. If I knew how to control all my emotions maybe people would think I'm normal. I wish I knew what it feels like to feel normal. To not feel different from everybody. To not be different.

Why can't I stop thinking I am? Why do I have to believe my parents anymore who think I'm different and weird and ugly? I'm not under their chains anymore. I can finally breathe again. Just because there are things about me that are different, does not mean I am different. The way they think of me does not mean I have to think of myself their way. I can be who I want to think that I am. I just don't know how.