5/23/19

8:30 p.m.

This world doesn't make sense.
My head doesn't make sense.
For every 1 good thing there are 300 bad things.
How is that worth anything?
How do some people understand everything and nothing?
How long will it take me to believe I should keep every part of my heart to myself?
How many more people am I going to give a piece of my heart so they can rip it apart?
When will I ever learn?

I wish my head would stop telling me I'm as worthless as people make me feel.
My mouth gets me in trouble all the time because I say things that I should know aren't okay to say.
I don't know what is and what isn't okay. No matter what I say it's likely that it is probably something I shouldn't. It's why I keep my mouth so shut in the world around me, because I don't kike hearing what comes out of my mouth. I have to deal with hearing the fight in my head that won't stop. It's too much for me to handle to have to think so much to shut myself up and not say what is on my mind.
I mess up too much .
Being around a lot of people makes me feel so much more hate towards myself, added on to my initial bad feelings toward myself.

I don't like other people because everyone looks at me weird, and it reminds me how different I am, and it makes me feel like I'm alone.
No one wants to understand people who are different.
No one gives two shits about what I think or feel.
Everyone  pretends to care so that they feel better about themselves. They are actually just treating weird people like they are a charity project. just so they can feel good that they are being recognized as a good person.
That is the only feeling they're after - themselves.